I know that because of how many wasted minutes I spent this morning tearing at too tight jeans with dull scissors in an attempt to make myself shorts. Why oh why do I feel like it is impossible to dress appropriately and NOT look like I am a train jumping hobo? WHERE DO I FIND CLOTHES FOR SUMMER? I saw a kid on the street yesterday wearing a pair of terrific green pants and a white and black striped long sleeve shirt. He looked effortlessly cool. I have that EXACT outfit in my closet right now, and if I were wearing it, I would look like I got a degree in Juggling from the University of Circus and Magic.
On a positive summer note- for the first time in my adult life I am living in an apartment with air conditioning. At the mature age of 30 I felt it was no longer cute to rock back and forth weeping in front of a fan while wearing wet socks all summer. I feel guilty listening to the hum and breeze of my new best friend and sometimes I step out onto my balcony to remind myself that I am too weak to live in such humidity and heat.
I wondered about Tegan and how she was dealing with summer, jean shorts and songwriting. Here is a transcript of that interview.
Please enjoy with a frozen beverage.
SQ: Hello, Tegan. Is it summer where you are?
TQ: Hello, Sara. Sadly, no. I was experiencing summer during the months of April and May (I even had a tan going for the first time in a decade) but then, alas, I returned to Canada- to spring.
SQ: I just had air conditioning installed at my apartment. I didn’t think I could bear another season of crying and suffering. I also feel upset because I dislike summer clothes. You like wearing t-shirts and jean shorts, so I was wondering if you could share with me the secret to accepting the aesthetic deficits of summer weather clothing.
TQ: Oh, Sara, let me tell you, it took a lot of work to understand, let go and embrace summer clothing. Jean shorts are ONLY cool if they are a dark color and don’t flare at the bottom. If they go below the knee, they are now schpants and no longer shorts, and are a total no-no. Dark, fitted, denim shorts that cut off right above the knee are the way to go. Then a nice loose t-shirt that hangs down below the bum. Think about how Mom dressed in the 80′s and early 90′s with that one. Finally, the most important part of summer wear – shoes. Converse without socks, open combat boots with little socks, toms without laces, fancy dress shoes without socks or flip flops (if you must) with no socks. The key to making tank tops and jean shorts feel normal is jean jackets, necklaces, hats and back packs. Distract from your white chicken legs whenever possible. Also, you have air conditioning? Are you serious? The ice caps are melting somewhere and you’re responsible.
SQ: WOW! A lot of really great advice. Basically, you think it’s a bad idea to match cashmere sweaters with jean schpants?
TQ: I definitely would avoid wearing schpants altogether. If you must wear cashmere in summer, best to match it with fitted jeans.
SQ: I do feel terrible about the air conditioning *(no I don’t) but I wanted to be productive this summer and I feared I would end up just laying on my balcony reading and listening to Patsy Cline if it wasn’t the perfect creative music making temperature in my apartment.
TQ: Oh, I’m just kidding *(not at all) about the air conditioning thing. Enjoy it. Run it all day long and all night long. You deserve it!
SQ: You have been writing a lot of music during these six months off and I know you are upset that I have accomplished almost nothing.
TQ: Not at all. In fact I’m impressed that you have accomplished almost nothing! As you know, we are both work addicts and I think that you’re taking a minute to breath in the air conditioning and enjoy life. There is nothing wrong with that. I just hope you write some songs soon because my money is running out. I need to go back to work, soon.
SQ: Would you feel comfortable sharing with me what it is you are spending your money on?
TQ: Well, every month as I pour over my visa statement I can’t believe how many meals, books and movies I am seeing. It feels like hardly any at all, but as it turns out, it’s a years worth of salary. I also came to New York to visit you and your air conditioning and as it turns out, New York is more expensive than Australia and New Zealand put together. Lastly, I bought a panda. Man they eat a lot!
SQ: I know you haven’t bought a panda. Do you feel excited to be playing shows this summer in Canada? And at the Newport Folk Festival?
TQ: I really do. It’s been a lot of years since we’ve played folk festivals. You may not remember this Sara, but that’s where we got our start. When I think back to the start of our career 12 years ago, it’s the folk festivals and the Trans Canada highway I remember fondly, not the smokey bars and 1 star hotels thankfully. My hope is that this summer we are able to strip things down, get back to our roots and make a whole lotta new fans.
SQ: I always liked the folk festival circuit because it usually ended up being quite diverse (and not just folk music) compared to other festivals.
TQ: Yes, the line-ups are very diverse. It makes for great entertainment all weekend long. These festivals feel like summer camp more than music festivals. It’s like therapy for me – working through my summer camp issues at age 30 still.
SQ: The shows really only take up ten days of our summer lives. Do you want mom and me to enroll you in a summer camp?
TQ: I have considered going back to camp, but as a counselor. Perhaps next year.
SQ: Great idea! Are you excited about anything else upcoming that you would like to share with the people?
TQ: I’m really excited about the new season of True Blood. I am also excited for summer. I am also excited about fall. I am really excited to hear a new song by Sara. I am really excited for new blinds. I am really excited about lunch, which I am having as soon as we finish talking.
SQ: Excellent. Well, I’m also excited about new songs, and summer and lunch. So I won’t ask you anything else. Next week let’s do a video blog though. Have a great day, wear sun block!
TQ: Thank you. Enjoy the hot weather, your air conditioning and doing absolutely nothing. Also, if you’re looking for a hard dick, Tyler The Creator has one. *(I doubt it).